Emails

Let's talk about my Harper email. I don't think I've read one email in its entirety from my Harper email to date. I get so many emails and 99% of them aren't directed towards me anyway.  I've decided there are several types of emails to expect, and I'll now break these down into several categories.

1) First we have the 'Information in Subject Line, not in Email' email.  This is exactly what it says.  All of the information you need to know about the email is in the subject of the email and when you open it there isn't really anything of substance.  This goes a little something like this:
Subject Line: Today's Recipients for Mail
Body of Email:  Thanks.
OR
Subject Line: Bakkavor today Thursday 12 noon onwards 1.10pm Presentation for Finalists Group Study Room 2 Ground Floor Faccenda - Interested join us!
Body of Email: (empty)

2) Next we have the 'Lost and Found' Emails (this category also includes anything about cars and parking):
Subject: OW03 UUP lights left on
Body of Email: (empty)
OR 
Subject: Lost car keys for a Polo
Body of Email: If anyone sees these around campus, please could you hand them in to Amanda at Faccenda Reception.

3) There are probably several other types of emails, but the last one I want to note is the crazy SU emails that I get (Student Union) about events or other things.  These would be considered more important than some of the others shown above and I usually read most of the way through them.  This would include the following pieces of emails:
Subject: Attention All Read
Body of Email: (if you have seen 'Taken', this will be better appreciated as it is a play on the phone call that Liam Neeson has with the guy who takes his daughter) 
I don't know who you are.
I don't know what you want.(Apart from a shovel)
If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you the SU don't have money.
But what we do have are a very particular set of skills; skills we have acquired over a very long career.
Skills that make us a nightmare for people like you. If you bring our shovel back now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you.
But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will get Becca to bar ban you.
Ok now in all seriousness someone has robbed a shovel from the parked 7840 FORD tractor parked outside in the car park. Can we have it back please or else we will take measures to find out who has taken it. 
OR 
Subject: Wednesday Night Theme Change
Body of Email:   
We the SU have decided to change the theme Wednesday night to a traffic light night which, if you ask me, is a better theme than the one proposed with the current weather conditions.
Lads and Ladies traffic light night is a great way to find out who has hitched up (red) or broken up (green) over Christmas and New Years.
Its very simple yet very effective.
Wear red if you are with someone or you just don't want those guy's or gals all over you.
Amber if you are unsure or just don't care
Green for go, bore on, full steam ahead. (If you are single)
Basically we are providing one big dating service for you all at Harper before the lead up to Valentine's day. You could call us cupid really for the work we are trying to do to set all you up for a very rose-mantic day on the 14th.